I want to give up on life.

I want to give up on life.
I don’t know where to start.I guess I’ll start with saying that I know my life isn’t that bad, comparatively. Many would consider me privileged in a multitude of aspects and I would agree. I’m a college student that is supported by my parents, both financially and emotionally. I work part-time at a job I somewhat like. I’ve never undergone any tramatic event that is common in my magnitude of depression.However, my depression is crippling me to the point where I cannot function at a basic level. I now find it difficult to get out of bed for anything: school, work, or personal errands. I can’t sleep when I want and can’t wake up when I want. I often don’t feel like putting in the effort to eat, so I don’t, even if food was already prepared for me. I eat one meal a day, seldom twice. I ignore basic hygiene because it is too much work. I am EXTREMELY behind on homework to the point where I might fail all my courses if I don’t do something quickly and I have a 3.7 GPA.My weekly schedule consists of attending school (currently 14 credit hours), working roughly 16 hours part-time, and attempting to do homework everywhere in between. Even as I type it, I recognize that my schedule is mild.The schoolwork is absolutely brutal. I decided to take Physics II this semester and I spend (at best) seven hours of homework every other night on it alone. My professor often assigns 2-3 sections to read along with notes on each section (the requirements for notes is ridiculous), 3-5 textbook problems (a physic problem on average is about 30 minutes long), and online homework that is usually 6-8 questions long (some multiple choice, some asking for a quantitative answer). Homework is also due on test days. My other courses are being affected, too. The most infuriating and disheartening part is I don’t have an issue with learning the material; I just don’t have (what feels like) enough time to complete what’s assigned. I know that I can get straight A’s in all my courses given the time to learn.I consistently have to stay up for unreasonable time periods (>48 hours) to complete homework or prepare for a test while trying to keep a stable mental capacity. Rarely does it ever have a good outcome, but it is better than not staying up and receiving a zero. You could say that the stress I go through to keep up is not worth it, but choosing not to do homework/study would result in a failing grade, which only creates its own snowball of effects, mental or otherwise. Honestly, the homework should not take me as long as it does, but the mix of depression and little sleep prolongs it to an intimidating point. Even as I type this, I have a test tomorrow that I haven’t even read two chapters for and will likely stay up all night studying. Because I am so hard on myself, I get in deep depressive episodes any time I perform poorly on a test or am not able to complete a project/homework on time, which only worsens the situation because I do not attend school and rarely do homework during these episodes.On top of the above mentioned, this is also the first semester where I work part-time and attend school full time. I honestly don’t believe it is too difficult, but the situation I am in makes it difficult. Taking on a vigorous course such as Physics II and starting part-time work at the same moment has drove me insane and confirmed that I have little to no time management skills.I have not even begun to talk about my personal life.I have absolutely no friends. Well, I do have an old high school friend that goes away for college, but he rarely talks or interacts with me, let alone listen to my problems, so I wouldn’t call him a traditional friend. I honestly have no idea why people do not like me. I am not timid around others, though I will often find a lost for words. I usually go along with whatever anyone wants to do and can be funny sometimes. I am a person that is very strong in my beliefs, but don’t try to force it down others. I am open to anyone questioning me and actually like to debate various topics. I will tell anyone anything they want to know about me and have some unique hobbies. Yet, nobody seems to keep in contact with me for more than a week. I have to annoyingly keep contact with them, but at that point it’s no longer a friendship. The only people outside family that see me on a normal basis are classmates, and they just see me because we happen to attend the same class. My depression has made it almost impossible to enjoy being around people or an activity (alone or otherwise). Only recently have I been showing signs that I could be depressed in public, so I don’t believe it is because others think I am depressing to be around.I recently just got out of a three-year-long relationship. She was my only friend and it pains me all day to think about her. We had a terrible relationship and I know that, but she put up with me and kept me sane. I don’t have anyone to go to anymore when I have a bad day, or keep me company when I’m bored, or receive affection from. Four years from now, I couldn’t imagine being so dependent on a single person for needs, but I am. I can’t even go to her for understanding because she is already seeing someone else; almost like she was already over it, or rather me. I could go on and on about my relationship, but I’m sure many of you already know the feeling. I can’t go two songs at work without listening to a few lyrics and feeling my heart sink into my chest thinking about her.I have tried to seek help, but nothing seems to help long-term. I’ve seen a school counselor, but I eventually had to stop going because I repeatedly missed our appointments and the office charges for each missed meeting. It doesn’t help that the minimum wait time between meetings was 2-3 weeks. All she really told me was to “fake it till [I] make it,” referring to acting happy. I’ve also been taking antidepressants prescribed by the school psychiatrist for over three months now and they only rarely keep me at a state of borderline functionality (I can do my job at a decent pace). I’ve also been attempting the advice given by my mother (she claims to have a history with depression), but all she suggests is changes to my schedule, regardless of how many times I tell her I cannot continue with it. We often end up getting in an argument because I think she doesn’t understand what I am going through, so now she won’t ask me about my problems despite the obvious anguish in my body language.I feel like unless I stay EXACTLY what I am going through and how I feel, nobody understands me, hence why this post is so long. They just give the typical depression advice that I am fully aware of. People keep telling me to just wait and things will get better; someday something will come through and everything will follow behind it. That doesn’t motivate me to continue on. I don’t care about the ambiguously distant future when everything is sunshine and rainbows anymore. I want relief from my agony now.I am at the breaking point. I have thought of hurting/killing myself, but do not have a plan nor think I will anytime soon. I’m more passively hoping something will happen that will take me or an opportunity will appear to make it easy. That’s all I’ll say regarding that to keep it out of /r/SuicideWatch. If you’ve read this far, thank you. Just knowing others have listened to me helps a little. I came here after months of seeing how other redditors got help and found an understanding community that helped deal with their depression.I desperately need help and don’t know what else to do.
Hum Tv Dramas Lyrics 2015
Submitted by GrubeCube

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