Project Skyfall

Project Skyfall
I’ve relapsed yesterday twice ( Once with P ) after a 9 day streak ( I’ve past day 9 already around 10 x ). The relapse itself was like a setback, not a massive setback ( Which happens with binging ) because I still could enjoy and laugh at work and I wasn’t a zombie. Besides all that tomorrow I will have a week free ( No work at all ) which means I will be very vulnerable for relapse because I have a lot of free time. I of course read a lot during the day, drinking green tea, taking cold showers, eating healthy, sleeping good but despite all that I know the urges come and even if I win ( And I enjoy my victory for a while ) they come back sometimes stronger. I’m right now already battling this addiction for more then a year, which is very long and it has been a year full of regrets and ups and downs but a crucial year because I’m really discovering myself and I finally realized what I want to become. But also because during those days that I didn’t relapse I actually weakened the addiction-neuron connections which is very good. I know this because my streaks are getting longer but also because I’m changing as a person. Tomorrow ( Day 2 ) a new month will start, which we all call December ( The month with Christmas and a lot of fun during the holidays and also the last month of the year ). My plan is not to relapse of course and I say this every time but as a porn addict I don’t want to masturbate unless I watch porn ( Or I actually even prefer watching porn instead of masturbating ). So for the first time in my entire life I’m going to live without my computer for a month so I actually can’t watch porn unless I pull my computer back together. I always use my computer for things like Wikipedia, Good reads, Nofap website, movies ( WHICH I REALLY LOVE ), music and YouTube ( Which actually these days also has porn on it which leads to a relapse ). Of course I still have a smart phone but I’ve never watched porn on it because I don’t like the small screen with a camera pointing at me. During that month I will continue my reading streak ( Because It’s really becoming a habit or even a addiction ) and of course my other healthy activities to make sure I rewire my brain as quick as possible and as healthy as possible. With this mind-set I created the Project Sky fall ( Actually simple put: A month preventing access to the computer which gives me access to porn while creating good habits and discovering what my life is like without porn and of course without a computer ) , why the name Sky fall u probably ask because If u know the song Skyfall from Adele during the lyrics she said this: I know I’d never be me Without the security. Put into my words: I know I’d never be me without the porn. I know I’d never be me ( the ‘me’ which means in my words the brain I’m right now ) without the porn. The so called ‘me’ I’m right now is shaped by porn as well mentally as physically. And I choose the name also because If I let myself fall ( Unplug my computer ) from a bridge ( Where I can watch porn ) there is no way back unless some miracle ( Fixing my computer ) happens that can put me back on the bridge ( So I can watch porn again ). Of course it isn’t that special and I came with this during the writing while I was listening to the song. But I knew for sure people that read we’re going to ask for the reason. Anyway December will not only be of course Project Skyfall but also Christmas and other events which will be good for the rewiring process. All I can say is that it will be for sure hard but crucial, If this so called project Sky Fall won’t help I need to seek external help from my family or my doctor, which probably won’t understand it. I also quit in a different way than ever before. I’ve always relapsed for the last time on purpose while watching a lot of porn, binging, edging and eventually relapsing which leads to massive dopamine release. I always relapse on special times like straight 8’o clock in the evening ( Literally the same second ) for reasons like: Well If I succeed I can celebrate every week at this time or well I can count the hours and minutes that I’m clean easier. But I also realized because of unconscious reasons which has to do with a little form of OCD which in the case for me is checking locks, doors and phone alarm and also of course relapse at exact time so It will be so thought ‘easier’. This ‘exact time purpose relapse thing’ has no purpose or benefit at all it only strengthens the neuron connections between which means it will be harder to quit. So right now I’m not even planning or thinking about a relapse for the last time ever because I want to quit, quit right now! And I’m reading right now a lot about the brain which only improves my understanding of the brain and helps me to keep focused on the idea of neuroplasticity. This approach will for sure make my project will work, I know it will! It’s a solid approach and a crucial approach.Now I can start chasing my goal with everything I have in me because nothing is going to be wasted anymore to porn or masturbation. Rewiring my brain right now is top priority If I ever want to accomplish my goals ( In our words: dreams ). It will work, I can feel it and I know it.I can feel the taste of life upon my lips, it’s something I’ve never tasted before.D. 30/11/2016 20:51At 18/11/2016 20.00 I Relapsed while watching pornAt 20/11/2016 12:00 I relapsed without watching pornAt 29/11/2016 20:35 I relapsed while watching pornAt 29/11/2016 21:40 I relapsed without watching porn
Hum Tv Dramas Lyrics 2015
Submitted by wallythedude

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